It’s the most wonderful time of the year and we tell ourselves that this year Christmas will be perfect! All the Hallmark movies give us glimpses of how life “should be” or “could be”. It’s easy to think that if we just get the right presents, or plan a perfect party, or get the family all in one place our holidays will be magical! Isn’t that what the message is all around us? It’s not enough to enjoy the holidays or spend time with our loved ones. It needs to be “magical”!
It truly is a wonderful time of year and there are so many things to enjoy and celebrate. But the reality is, we are still in our own lives and in our own families. For some of us that means, your sister will brag about her perfect life and her perfect family. Your aunt will mention how much weight you have gained. Kids will get loud and overwhelming or bored and whiny and have some periodic melt downs. Someone in your family may have too much to drink and reveal what they really think about everyone or fall asleep right when you want to have the family picture taken.
Maybe you don’t experience any of those things, but have other disappointments that keep the holidays from being as perfect as you want them to be.
That’s because you and your family are imperfect humans and we live in an imperfect world. Hallmark movies are just stories, they are fantasy.
The answer isn’t to become pessimistic and turn into Scrooge or the Grinch. We just have to prepare ourselves and manage our expectations.
This truly is a wonderful life if we choose to celebrate what is good and beautiful and accept the imperfect. Here are a few helpful guidelines to follow:
Don’t be surprised by the messiness of family. We are imperfect humans. Anticipate the things that will happen and let your family be who they are. You can’t change them but you can make plans to make the holidays more enjoyable.
Remember, there is some good in everyone if we look for it. Make it a point to look for some positive in everyone of your family members. It may only be that cranky aunt Mary makes great mashed potatoes or that your nephew or your child can tear through wrapping paper faster than anyone you have ever seen. Do your best to focus on any possible good that you see. Focusing on the negative or how you wish they were only brings disappointment.
Limit the time you are together. It is better to be together for a short time and enjoy each other than staying out of obligation and driving away hoping you don’t have to go back again for a long time.
Make plans that work for your own family. Grandma may want all the grandchildren to go to the Children’s museum, or stay up to watch a favorite Christmas movie or wait to eat until another family arrives. But that may not work for the ages or personalities of your children. It is okay to opt out of some traditions or expectations. Family members may not like it, but doing what works for your family helps your kids enjoy the holiday more (especially if it involves getting rest!) and keeps you from feeling irritable and overwhelmed.
Give yourself an escape plan. If being with 30 people in a small house gets overwhelming, take a walk. Go to the store for milk or toilet paper or go get coffee. It’s better to take a break than to allow the stress to build up and spoil it all.
Create pockets of peace. In the busyness of the season, find times and ways that you can be still and enjoy all the good of this time. Get up before everyone is awake and drink coffee by the Christmas tree. Go for a walk or run and enjoy the cold weather. Turn off the news and instead listen to Christmas songs. Give yourself a small present to remind you that you are important too! Find a house of worship and go for a service or sit quietly for a few minutes in the empty church and think about all the good in your life. Write a list of all the things you are thankful for this year and keep it to add on to each year.
Manage your expectations - whether with your extended family, your own kids, your spouse, your friends or yourself! We all have limits, limited energy, resources, patience and time. Recognize those limits and plan accordingly. Don’t put pressure on yourself or anyone else to make things be as you want them to be. Celebrate what you have and don’t compare your life with others. This may be a time that you need to stay away from social media and the carefully curated versions of other people’s lives.
In reality, life is messy, but it’s also beautiful.
So, have yourself a beautiful, messy, imperfectly magical, Christmas!